Upper Elementary

Have You Noticed?

Your once carefree child that bounced back and got along with everyone is now showing signs of anger, dislike of school, an increase of tears, or more socializing.  Why the change?  Friendships, growth, change, exploration, maturity variances and more can play a role in this situation.  It is a part of the upper-elementary experience.  The happy bottom line is that true friends will stay with your child and grow with them throughout this growing experience.  Your friendships with their parents probably will too.  It is stressful and we do tend to side with our own children, but all of the children in our environment are growing.  Patience, comfort for the sorrows, and parental understanding is needed. The process is the child’s and it is important that it take place.

Students begin huge social bonds around 3^rd grade if not earlier.  In 4^th and 5^th grade the desire to “fit in” with the “in crowd” really begins to matter to a student.  In the Montessori environment this is observed, and guided by the teachers. We try to inform you, the parents, of any situations that we are privy to that may need your awareness (not necessarily your interaction as it is a normal process and growth that needs to happen).  We are also fortunate in the Montessori environment that they typical girl “requirements” to fit in and the typical boy “requirements” for fitting in are not the norm.  Our students typically look for strong learners, as group heroes.  They also look for people that play fair, show understanding, share their opinions, lead, etc.  Our students look for strong traits in many areas.  Our students respect individuality, as long as one is nice about it and they can validate their reasoning. 

Respect is the leader in our environment.  A student that is seen as not trustworthy is often left out as is the student that brags about an accomplishment rather than one that sympathizes with or aids a struggler.  Our students have a strong sense of moral right.  They still need to test this theory as testing is normal.  The environment is safe though.  The outcome is positive. Acceptance is central to their self-esteem and they need to know how to achieve this in their own way.  They also need to know how to achieve this and maintain the values that they believe in.

Often 9 year olds, and 10 year olds do not have the emotional equipment to handle rejection and petty torments.  We need to help build that equipment in a positive manner. 

You can help: 
Encourage self-esteem (not bragging) on the child’s part.  Don’t be too judgmental or your child may shut down and not share at all or they will lie to you in order to get you to be on their side.  This leaves you out in the cold as to what is really going on and this gets worse as they get they older.  Build your bridges into their world now.

Don’t directly interfere even though it hurts you inside.  You interfering with peers actually hurts the student more.  Your helping makes your student appear weak and they loose ground.  Share concerns with the teachers. Observations or classroom changes can be put into place to help the situation.

Help your student ward off putdowns with witty remarks, and help them accept who they are.  If you feel the putdowns are valid, work as a team to correct the behavior or site of ridicule.  Character building, independence, and self-acceptance are key here and they are all characteristics of a strong Montessori student.

Remember that sometimes your child may be the “snob” and not really a true leader.  Some students counteract their own negative self-confidence or image by putting others below them if others will receive this status.  Learning to understand others should be a goal. 

We know that the struggle is hard.  It is the struggle that helps build the character that you admire in people.  You will admire it in your student.  Allow for some control at home and they will often have less need to control at school Keep your morals strong at home and they will be kept by your student at school. Learning acceptance from you at home will reach into their lives at school. Remind your student that “popular” is not worth it if you are not happy.  Encourage them to “be themselves”.

 

 

*Always Accentuate the Positive.

(Information compiled from various sources on child development and behavior)

 

Email: ctoquigne@golikethewind.com - Colette
Email: kmarek@golikethewind.com - Kathy
Email: cmiller@golikethewind.com - Cheryl